BDSM and a sense of community

Understanding how open communication builds trust and confidence to make for safe and limitless pleasure.

The more I read the more I understand the importance of community within BDSM and the wealth of knowledge and support which is readily given during meetings, casual meet-ups and play parties.

Personally, I have been overwhelmed by the warmth I’ve been shown as I’ve launched my blog and twitter page. Despite what might seem extreme and distasteful to those outside the community the members I have experienced have been sincere and welcoming. I’ve made no secret of my ignorance and desire to learn and offers of assistance have been readily given. Although what has been wonderful is that I have also been encouraged to find my own way and build my own story.

I am understanding that entering the world of BDSM is a very personal journey, albeit one that will be shared.

We will all have, and develop, our own kinks and hard limits but within a supportive environment confidence and understanding grows which can only make the experience so much more pleasurable and rewarding.

Feeling the love,

Jess x

Fetish vs. Kink….understanding the finer nuances

Is it me or does there seem to be no clear consensus on the definition of ‘Kink’ versus ‘Fetish’?

Are they both quite different or is there a grey area where one can be forgiven for confusing the two?  I gather from some sources that the words ‘Fetish’ and ‘Kink’ can be used interchangeably but in all cases?

Not satisfied with my currently hazy understanding of the definition of the two words I intend to seek clarification. If only for the benefit of my generous readers who I don’t want to offend or insult through my ignorance.

So does it come down to personal preference? Select the word which sounds nicer on the ear of the user? A bit like ‘scene’ versus ‘play’? I am talking about the use of ‘scene’ vs ‘play’ within the realms of sexual gameplay just in case a Thespian has stumbled upon this blog and wonders what I’m blathering on about. Despite my obvious ignorance on many subjects my limited knowledge does extend to the very clear differentiation between ‘scene’ and ‘play’ within the world of theatrics. To say they were the same in that sphere would be like saying ‘Game’, ‘Set’ and ‘Match’ were one in the same within the sport of tennis. That would get me into all sorts of trouble now wouldn’t it?

So, back to my quest to understand when it’s appropriate to use the word ‘Kink’ over the use of the word ‘Fetish.’

An article about the subject in www.dumbdomme.com helpfully distinguishes between the two by stating that ‘A kink is sexual…For a kinky person, a kink is part of sex.’ Whereas ‘A fetish is a sexual preoccupation with something that isn’t sexual.’ A ‘focus on a body part, object, or practice that isn’t traditionally thought of as sexual.’

So it seems that a Kink is incorporated into a sexual act whereas the Fetish is the focus. Kink can still very much be a part of an intimate, partner focused experience whereas Fetish seems quite single-minded with the emphasis on the ‘Fetish object’ as opposed to the human participant/participants.

Does this resonate? Am I starting to properly understand the finer nuances of the two words? Your feedback and comments please lovely people.

Help me explore this crazy and wonderful world of sexual desire and deviance.

Wishing you a lovely evening,

Jess x

So the journey starts……exploring BDSM

Today I embarked upon my research by typing ‘BDSM images’ into Google and was amazed how many GIFS appear. Video after video showing massive penises penetrating bound, invariably, women. I found the images enjoyably stimulating and was quickly turned on but then a disturbing thought came to mind which I couldn’t dispel. I started to get the overwhelming impression that a lot of the women weren’t consenting to the acts being imposed upon them.

My understanding is that an important factor within the BDSM community is to ensure the practices are consensual. But I couldn’t shake the horrible feeling that was not the case in every image I saw.

There was a lot of foreign video footage showing women smeared with makeup and sweat in genuine distress and anguish. The men, frequently masked or faces out of view, were generally more clad than the women giving the impression of being filmed performing an act of quick sexual aggression as opposed to genuine consensual game play.

Some videos showed multiple men penetrating a single battered female whose floppy head suggested either drugs or exhaustion were getting the better of them. Am I just not understanding what consensual ‘looks like’ within the realms of BDSM or have I unwittingly stumbled across footage taken by unprincipled individuals for the benefit of the voyeuristic viewer?

I remain hopeful that as I delve further into the rituals of BDSM I will find that despite the edginess of the practices I will come to learn that, for the majority of practitioners, respect for the partner is of the upmost importance.

The journey continues………..

BDSM…where to start?

Hello  Reader!!

If you’re reading this then you’re reading my very first post at the start of my journey into the world of BDSM.

Let me introduce myself. I’m Jessica and have long had a desire to delve into the erotic life of BDSM. It’s a topic which I know very little about but that which I do know intrigues me immensely. 

To put it bluntly I want to become a Dominatrix. But quite how I don’t know. I am inexperienced and doubtless incredibly naïve so my journey will be one of exciting discovery and possibly quite shocking.

I am at a crossroads career-wise and desperate for a change. I am fascinated by the prospect of living a double life; of maintaining my normal persona with friends and family whilst indulging in the more erotic in my professional life. Does that sound naughty and deceptive? Quite possibly but I’m exhilarated by the prospect of it.

I hope you will join me on my journey and I would love to hear your comments and advice.

Much love,

Jess x